Arguing with woman and why it doesn’t work!

As the title suggests today am going to talk briefly about arguing with a woman and why it ultimately gets us guy’s no where in the long run. But first off guy’s am not saying that you should let a woman or anyone for that matter walk all over you, or disrespect you in any way and then not stand up for yourself’s because you should, you need to communicate in a loving manner like an adult if someone you know or maybe your other half is not treating you in a way that you deserve to be treated.

Because when you are with a woman you want to communicate your want’s and need’s and if she is doing something to walk all over you or be disrespectful or she say’s things like “Hey am gonna call you in an hour and I will meet up with you, or then she doesn’t or she flakes out, or she say’s am gonna bring this over, then she comes over and she totally forgets to bring something over that she said she was going to do, or whatever it happens to be. Then you just need to let her know that it’s not acceptable to just say something and then to just blow it off like its nothing. And just communicate that to her in a loving manner.

But with that aside am talking more about how guy’s typically react when they get involved in an argument with their girlfriend. And the thing you have to understand with woman is which I have learned is that when there upset or there hurt about something they resolve their problems and their differences and there hurts by talking about them and relating to each other. When there out with her girlfriends that is what they do, they share there pain, they share there story’s and they bond together that way. And then when you get a guy in the mix and he listens to this, he thinks to himself that he has to try to fix this, or I gotta be the solution to this, and all they really want you to do is sit there and shout your fucking mouth if i may add, and to just listen and authentically be present with them and try to understand where there coming from and why they are expressing what they are expressing.

And guy’s think there trying to win an argument, and thing is when you try to win an argument with your girlfriend the reason women get more and more pissed of the more you argue is because she is trying to explain to you in a way that emotionally relates to how you’ve hurt her feelings, and by explaining this to you and by you sitting there and just listing to her and taken this in, and every so often repeating a little bit back to her that communicates to her that you are actually listing to her, and then being man enough to realize when you mess up and to say “you know what” I realize  what I did was stupid or I acted immature and I realize now the way I said, and the way I reacted that it hurt your feelings and am sorry it wasn’t my intent and I understand why I did what I did and how it hurt your feelings.

It’s not a combat or a competition that is something you have to win guy’s because like I said what you really need to do is just to sit there and listen. Believe me I’ve spent my fair amount of times arguing in my past and most of the time it just ended up making the situation even more worst, and what well happen often is your girlfriend or wife well just end up crying and it just creates this emotional distance between you and her. There where times in the past maybe I would get all defensive when I was in an argument with a girl and try to put my point across and try to get the better of the argument or try to win it and that just would not work because woman are emotionally based where us guy’s tend to use logic and reason and the two just do not go together well.

A perfect example would be where you might say to your girlfriend remember when I did this for you, or I did that for you, when you’re trying to reason with her about something she said to you about how you’re treating her now

but all she really cares about is how you’re showing up now and acting in this moment in time.

The purpose of all relationships are supposed to be that you go there to give. Your supposed to meet each other’s needs and to help each other grow and become more. The way I look at it is we are supposed to be a team, and we are supposed to help one another in reaching a conclusion together whatever perhaps we are talking or fighting about, that is how I look at it anyway. And when two people argue its usually a result of a failure to listen. And typically nine times out of ten when a guy argues with a woman like I said he is trying to prove he’s point to her by using logic and reason and if she is upset and she’s crying its because you have hurt her emotionally in some way that has caused her to feel like when she tell’s you about it you’re using rationalization and thing’s and trying to say I did this, or that in the past or whatever it is, or why you’re trying to argue, or why you think she is wrong. And you have to understand guy’s that she is coming from an emotional place and you’re trying to use logic and reason and that is why it just makes it worst and you end up not getting anywhere.

Now if your girlfriend or spouse on the other hand is shouting at you and it’s the case where you’re not shouting at her,then you need to just say hey look am not shouting at you and I would appreciate it if you lower your voice and not shout at me, and if you cannot do that then you just need to say to her “Hey look” you’re being rude and unless you can communicate in a loving manner am going to leave and when your ready to be sweet to me again and communicate like an adult then get back in touch with me, because right now your being rude and so am walking away. So it’s that simple guy’s and so I hope this article has been of some value to you. If you have any thing you would like to say then please feel free to leave a comment. In the meantime stay tuned for more coming soon.

yours truly

Calvin

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An interview with myself. Part 1

1. who are you?

Mrckflo. I think that’s right?

2. What are you passionate about?

Writing lyrics and article’s, and talking and connecting with people on the fundamentals in life. And Learning new things and Simplifying my life for the better.

3. What are you most grateful for in life?

Just life itself and the certain people that are in my life.

4. What are the most important things to you in life?

God, my daughter, my family and close friends, my health, my values, eating right, my phone,  And “oh yeah” playing Fifa and getting a good night’s sleep.

5. How would you describe yourself?

Okay here goes… Funny and playful with a sarcastic sense of humor, I blame my mum for the sarcastic part. Kind, caring, thoughtful, and compassionate. Am more of an introvert then a extrovert, Humble, generous, and genuine. Think that just about sums me up. Maybe a bit psycho but I keep that bit on the down low.

6. What are your values?

Integrity. The foundation of your life should
be built upon it. Compassion what’s a world without it. We are all
humans and we go through the same things in life for the most part.
Love. We exist because of it. God is love.
Respect. If you respect me, I’ll respect you Simple.
Friendship. Close friends support us through difficult times in life.
Making time for family and friends. Life is not all about money
and work. Whats the point if you can’t spend it with those
that matter the most to you.

7. If you have one year left to live, what would you do?

Good question I would try to do an awful lot lets put it like that.
Maybe travel the world if I could.

8. What are the biggest things you’ve learned in life to date?

To be self-reliant. People well always let you down one way or another. You have to do things for yourself. It’s not good to rely on someone else especially when it comes to your career, people love to miss guide you, or they love to see you fail or struggle at something instead of trying to help you out. And who and who not to trust in general. Certain people love to talk behind your back. The older you get in life the less friends you tend to have. And that’s only because I have gotten more fussy about who I allow into my Circumference as I have got older and wiser.  You also begin to realize who your real friends are, and who are just the poser’s, and who you can rely on when it matters most and who you can’t.

9. What do you fear most in life?

Dying or someone close to me dying.

10. What do you consider your greatest failure in life?

Not making the most of my time when I was younger. I Wish I would have
learned and studied more, and done more with myself and my time. However they say  it’s never too late right?

11. Have you ever been in love?

Yes.

12. How Often Do You Laugh?

It depends but normally when am with my brother and my close friend.

13. Where Do You Live?

Wouldn’t you like to know nice try. Somewhere in London.

14. Do You Regret Anything?

A few things I have done and said in the past but I’ll keep that one to myself.

15. What’s The First Thing You Do In The Morning?

Open my eyes then get up and go to the toilet. Isn’t that what everybody else does? Or do they check there phone first then do those other things I mentioned. I like to be different

16. Name The Thing That Annoys You The Most.

When people tell stupid little lies or any lies for that matter. Or people
that have an attitude problem.

17. What is your favorite word?

I don’t think I really have one.

18. Do You Have Enough Money?

Nope who ever does. Not where I live anyway.

19. Which three people (famous or otherwise) would you most like to invite to a dinner party?

Nelson Mandela, Micheal Jackson if they where still alive’ and my Dad if he was also still alive to.

20. What’s your favorite animal and why?

Dogs I had a few in the past. They are very loyal and loving
animals to have and be around. Minus picking up all there you know what.

21. What side do you normally sleep on?

The left side.

22. Have You Ever Been Around Someone Who Was High?

Yes many times, but not so much now thankfully.

23. Favorite Movie Star?

Leonardo DiCaprio and Denzel Washington. I cheated. I know you said one.

24. How Do You Like To Celebrate Your Birthday?

With friends and family, something simple like a dinner
or a family get together, or a day out somewhere fun maybe.

25. Which people do you think have made a big impact on the world for the good?

Wow there’s a few people that come to mind. Jesus, Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Diana princess of wales, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Martin Luther, Albert Einstein, John F Kennedy, Mohammed Ali, Micheal Jackson, Stevie Wonder, Bill Gates, Mary Magdalene, Rosa Parks, Oprah Winfrey, J.k.Rowling, Billie Holiday, There the few names that come to mind.

26. Do You Like Someone?

That would be telling. Maybe?

27. Ever Hit A Jackpot On A Slot Machine?

No. But I did win around 400 pounds once on a football bet.

28. Have You Ever Broken A Bone?

My wrist while playing football. And I remember I was walking around for 2 days before
I had even realized it was broken. Then I went to the hospital in the end because I was in so much pain.

29. How Did You Become Who You Are Today?

Because of what I have been through personally, and some of the
experiences I’ve had happen to me, that have shaped me into the person I am today  I guess.

30. Are You A Kissable Person?

Yes I think so.

31. Ever Been Married?

Not yet.

32. Do You Love Massages?

Yes who doesn’t right! Especially head massages.

33. Do You Floss Your Teeth?

Yes Everyday.

34. Do You Know What It Means To ‘Go Dutch’?

To get a dutch citizenship lol just playing of course I do.

35. Ever Been In Any Legal Trouble?

A few times when I was younger But nothing too major!

36. Do You Think You’re A Good Judge Of Character?

Very good I think.

37. Crowds Or Small Groups?

Small groups I need to hear myself think. And when you hang out with to many people especially if your going out it can just get a bit messy sometimes and there’s too much baby sitting going on, and I can’t enjoy myself if it’s like that. I just want to be able to go out and relax, and chill, and not have to worry about what everyone else is doing.

38. Do You Like Chocolate?

Yes.

39. Do You “Go Dutch” When Dating?

I normally pay for the first date or two but otherwise yeah why not.

40. Have You Kissed Anyone In The Last Week?

Yes. And am not going to kiss and tell.

41. How Do You Feel About Cigarette Smoking?

Well I don’t smoke and I Hate people’s smoke coming near my breathing space. But we all have some bad habits at the end of the day.

42. Do You Think That Women And Men Should Receive Equal Pay For Equal Work?

Yeah why not? There both doing the same job at the end of the day.

43. Do You Miss Someone Right Now? Who Is That Person?

My daughter xxx and my cutie xxx.

44. What Is Your Zodiac Sign?

Leo.

45. Do You Think That You’re A Good Person?

I try to be. I have a few things I need to work on. But don’t we all.

46. Are You A ‘Morning’ Or ‘Night’ Person?

Am definitely a night person.

47. Do You Believe In God?

Yes but I Never use to.

48. Do You Have A Myspace?

It’s 2015′ not 2005′ but yer I use to back in the good old days.

49. What do you look for in a Woman?

Someone thats fun and doesn’t take herself to serious to start off with.
Someone who knows how to have a laugh and can take my sarcastic sense of humor. Someone who is down to earth and is
connected to those around her, as well as herself. Someone who knows how to support and treat the guy she’s with appropriately. Someone who is affectionate and caring and warm hearted. Someone who is intelligent enough for me to have a decent conversation with about different topics what ever they may be. Someone who communicates in an open and loving manner and is polite and shows respect. And last but not least someone who is compassionate With Others and treats other’s how she wants to be treated herself. That just about covers that answer I think. And she has to have a good sense of dress and is well kept. A few more okay am done. Is that
asking for to much?…..

50. Have You ever Been Tested For Std’s?

     Yes am clean. Always play safe or don’t play at all people.

31!

As I am about to turn 31″ tomorrow I thought I would start by saying how grateful I am to have made it this far. I would also like to thank God for allowing it to be so. Everyday really is a blessing remember that guys and enjoy it whiles
it last. Life is to short to be stressing out over things or people that are just not worth your time or hassle. So as I turn 31 I feel it well be a turning point in my life I hope for the better. In the mean time I also want to thank everyone
who’s made a difference in my life so far, without you guy’s it would have been if not already a difficult journey, made even harder. And so am very blessed to have even if it’s only a handful of people in my life today that I trust and care about the most. I do not need to mention any name’s as those people that mean the most to me, and vise versa, know who am talking about. Sometimes God put’s people in your life for a reason and other’s a season. And I can honestly say I’ve learned a lot from these people, even if there stay was short lived, There was something, or a lesson to be learned or gained from it all.
People come into your life to help you grow as an individual and to help you become a better
version of yourself always remember that guys.

Life is a like a lift. On the way up
some people get on and others get off. Some people stay for a while, and others longer, and
some if your lucky enough to have such great friendships and relationships, stay with you
on your whole journey.

You well know the people in your life who you can count on the
when it really matters most, and those who are just passing by or others you could
never trust due to there devious or insincere nature. Am at that age now where I’ve set my
standards high in regard’s to the people I choose to hang around with, and communicate with
on a daily basis and so should you. Nobody knows what the future holds. All I can do is be
the best version of myself that I can possibly be. I cannot control how other people behave, or act, I can only
control how I show up at the end of the day, and choose the people that I want to be in my life.
I’ve learned to let go of things or people that do not serve my best interest, not because I think am bigger or better then them, because am not. But rather for the sake of my own personal growth as a person, and what I stand for.

There is an old saying that goes like this; You are the average of the five people that you consistently
spend your time with. Say no more!

Be Real!

If the foundation of your life is not built on integrity you well fail in almost all areas in your life.
Be true to yourself and who you are, and people well see that you are actually the real deal as opposed
to someone who is just a fake. Guys out there’ woman especially know when a guy is not being real with them, they have an
in built sensor if you will, and they have all politely said “No thanks” am not interested. Because you tried
to manipulate them, you lied, you where not being real. The thing is most people know when you’re not being
real and authentic with them in the long run anyway, so be real guys. Be someone who people can look up to
and can say” he was the real deal”.

So with that being said I hope you have enjoyed this short article, and as am about to turn 31 and have some fun”
stuffing my face with cake, I hope it well be a sponge cake with fresh cream by the way, but we well have to wait
and see. In the mean time guys stay blessed, appreciate life, follow your dreams and goals,

Until next time indealing with relationships and things that really matter most in life take care’ yours truly

Calvin.

Heartbreak and getting over it!

Probably one of the worst feelings you can experience as a human being is heartbreak. Getting your heart broken, falling in love with someone, getting dumped unexpectedly, or having somebody you thought you where going to have a great future with, basically communicate to you that they do not want to have any kind of future with you at all. And it’s always when you’re licking your wounds that you feel like your worlds going to end. It’s interesting because part of your body that is the emotional Center is the part where your rib cage comes together in that V shape where it ends. That area is the emotional center of your body, and that is where you’re going to experience the really difficult emotional pain from a breakup. The thing you have to understand is when you’re in a relationship with somebody, and you fall in love with them obviously over time you develop a deep emotional connection to them. Or maybe somebody that you met and you really had a great time with them, you felt like they where into you, as much as you where into them, and for whatever reason you fucked up or did not know what you where doing, or the other person just simply was not feeling it, and then you get dumped.

The thing is that you where emotionally attached to that person at that point. And even though you can meet a drop dead gorgeous woman it’s going to take some time because it’s going to be harder to move on and make a date with that new girl just because you feel like shit. Because you simply do not feel the desire, it’s like you want what you had in the past, and as human beings when we don’t let go of a relationship that has ended, or we want reality to be other then it is, or different then it is, we suffer. And that is why a lot of people suffer after a breakup because we still want to be with the people we where once with.

And so we want our reality to be other then it is, which is your no longer together with that person, and your whole identity associates’ with that particular relationship, and now that the relationship is not there anymore, and that person is no longer in your life, and since you associated a big part of your identity with who you are regarding being in that relationship its very painful, because it’s like in a way you feel like you lost part of yourself, you lost part of what is no longer there, or what you used to get a lot of, what was once a source of great emotional comfort and strength for you, is just simply not there anymore. And especially when the relationship has just ended or it’s a few weeks or a few months after that, it’s going to be hard when you’re talking to somebody because your not going to have that deep emotional connection, and in this respect women are able to move on after a breakup a lot quicker then guy’s.

Because they well go and get a therapist, or they well talk it out with their girlfriends. And they know the quickest way to move on after a breakup is simply to go out on dates and hooking up, and sleeping with a few guy’s or whatever, and that is what a lot of woman well do. And simply because most beautiful woman usually have four or five that are the nice “guy friends” that are in the background, that want to date them, and they well hang out on the side lines and wait for her to become single again, and so when she breaks up with her boyfriend she starts calling these guy’s and hanging out with these guy’s and getting all this attention from other men and meeting other new men, and maybe she hooks up with a few of them or meets some random dude while she is out with her girlfriends and hooks up with them, just because it helps to have new experiences with new people when there is a break up there.

That is what makes it a lot easier for them to move on, and in that respect guy’s well tend to lick there wounds a lot longer, and it well take them a lot longer to recover, especially when they find that there ex girlfriend is now out, literally a week after the break up all over some other dude and then one of he’s buddies well say “hey” I saw your girlfriend and she was all over this other guy’ and so they here that, and it just makes them feel like shit, how could she just totally move on when am still hurting. And it’s because they know that its a lot better to have somebody there, “you gotta get back on the horse so to speak” like there old saying goes.

The idea is you have to learn from what happened you gotta learn what led to the break up, you have to take an objective look at it. you need to realize all the mistakes you made and all the warning signs that where there, and all the times she told you that you need to get your shit together, or you need to change that, or you need to change this, and you just kinda ignored it, and just thought to yourself hey she’s with me it’ not a big deal, but it’s not until you have this emotional pain that you realize something needs to change, and that what you where doing obviously is, or was not working, this strategy that you used to approach your relationships simply was not working guy’s.

And where a lot of guy’s go wrong is they make the mistake of not spending anytime objectively looking at what they did wrong in their relationship, and instead they just point the finger at the girl and say its all her fault, because it’s easy to do that, and then claim the girl there with is fucked up’ or she has got problems or she is this, she is that, and they do not want to look at there own behavior because their ego cannot take it.

And the problem is since they did not learn anything new, they do not learn any new relationship skills, pickup skills, or dating skills they just go out and repeat the exact same mistake’s with the next girl, and then she dump’s him for the same exact reason that the previous girl dumped him for. But like I said you have to feel it, to heal it. Guy’s and girl’s out there, sometimes you just have to sit at home and cry and scream, punch your pillow, whatever you got to do, scream in your pillow when nobody is around, cause you have to feel those emotions, you have to feel the hurt, you have to feel that pain.

Because if you experience, that pain authentically it’s the only way you can feel it and heal it, and move through it.

And it’s not something where it’s like flipping a light switch on, it’s something you have to do, especially in the first few weeks after a break up, you have to do it everyday or several time’s a day. Because look at how children experience emotions, when they run around and when they fall and they cut there knee, even though they may not break the skin and it gets all red, there screaming “bloody murder” and then there mum come’s over, or their dad come’s over and kisses there knee, and then 30 seconds later there running over there and dancing around like nothing ever happened. And it’s because they experienced the emotion, they felt it, they healed it, because they where authentically present with the emotion and then they moved right pass it, and so there on to the next moment experiencing the next thing. And so as the weeks and the months go by when you take time to grieve and feel your pain to be authentically present with it, as the day’s and weeks go by it get’s less and less and less, and it get’s to the point where eventually you accept it, and once you’ve accepted it your able to move past it.

Cause there is several stages for grieving, usually the first stage is disbelief or denial. And the second stage after that is normally anger, you get pissed of at the other person, you want to blame the other person for the breakup, you want to blame them for the hurt they caused you. And the third stage is acceptance’ and once you have accepted it, that it is what it is, because at the end of the day you cannot do anything about the past, it’s gone, it’s never coming back, and you cannot do anything about the future because it’s simply not here yet, and so the only thing you can do is be present in the moment, and when your present in the moment you just accept the fact that “hey” I fucked up, I need to learn some new things I need to learn some new skills, so take the time to learn and absorb so you can be stronger and become a better man or woman. And then once you have accepted it, then you get to a place where your open to learning or your open to meeting someone new, and starting something new with them.

Like I said guy’s you have to take time to feel it, to heal it.

Guy’s and girl’s it’s something we all go through. And so I know how it feel’s to love and to lose personally. I made many mistake’s in my relationships in the past, but am a bigger enough man to own up to it. There where many thing’s I should have done, but in the end I got to complacent, didn’t do what I should have been doing and so guy’s your not alone. But I learned from my mistake’s and tried to better myself for me, and for those around me. Am shore many people that read this out there can write what am writing now, so just keep going and do not give up, get your confidence back guy’s, which well come with time.

And then you well start slowly to feel better about yourself, and when you accept what has happened in your past and that it is over, then you get to a place where you feel peaceful, you feel relaxed, and then you have peace about the situation, and then it’s really easy at that point to move on. We have to make mistake’s to learn and grow in life, it’s all apart of life. Every time a relationship ends you have to learn where you went wrong for any guy’s out there, so you can take responsible action to improve your skills, so you don’t repeat the same mistakes in the future. But the problem is most guy’s do not do anything to learn. They just keep going out, and repeat the mistakes over and over again.

The definition of insanity is, doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result. Remember that!

And with that being said I hope you have enjoyed this article. Stay tuned for more articles coming soon. Until next time yours truly Calvin.

Appreciate those for who they really are!

Everyone comes into your life for a reason. You have a gift for them, and they have a gift for you. However,

people are not sent into your life for you to change or mold them into what you think they should be, but to be loved and appreciated for who they really are.

It’s a reasonable request to ask others to treat you a certain way, and then give them the freedom to treat you the way you want, but it’s an unreasonable request to expect them to change their nature or who they are so you don’t feel insecure about yourself, or so you can feel validated.

Everyone resents having their freedom restricted, being told what they can and can’t be, people trying to place limits on their potential and being expected to become something they are not and have no desire to become.

Instead of trying to change others into the perfect person you want, instead focus on becoming the type of person you want to attract,

and do not settle or stop searching until you find someone who already is exactly what you are looking for.”

Relationship types!

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes.

Some people are simply free spirits and not meant to be tied down to any one particular person.

Others can be great fun and great lovers, but since they place no value on loyalty or commitment and tend to be a little selfish and narcissistic, they will never be faithful and exclusive with anyone, even though they may say that’s what they want.

People with a history of cheating, tend to always be that way. You should listen very carefully when new lovers tell you about their past relationships, and how they behaved in them, to determine how they will treat you.

The most common types of heterosexual relationships are open relationships, friends with benefits, sex playmates, monogamous exclusive relationships and marriage. Once you decide what kind of relationship you want to have, and in order to prevent unnecessary suffering, you should only date people who share the same relationship goals and values.” .

Everthing happens for a Reason!

“Every person that comes into your life is there for a reason.

There are no accidents. Our relationships and interactions with other people serve a purpose. That purpose is to help each other grow, become more and help us reach our full potential. However, not everyone is going to stay in your life forever.

People who are meant to be in your life will make the effort to stick around. People who are just passing through often will be gone just as quickly as they came. Therefore, do not become attached to people, but instead simply focus on being grateful for your shared experiences, no matter how long or how short they may be.

Sometimes it might be many months or even years before you are able to look back and understand the gift that they were, the wisdom they gave you, the purpose and reason why they came into your life and why they did or did not stick around.