31!

As I am about to turn 31″ tomorrow I thought I would start by saying how grateful I am to have made it this far. I would also like to thank God for allowing it to be so. Everyday really is a blessing remember that guys and enjoy it whiles
it last. Life is to short to be stressing out over things or people that are just not worth your time or hassle. So as I turn 31 I feel it well be a turning point in my life I hope for the better. In the mean time I also want to thank everyone
who’s made a difference in my life so far, without you guy’s it would have been if not already a difficult journey, made even harder. And so am very blessed to have even if it’s only a handful of people in my life today that I trust and care about the most. I do not need to mention any name’s as those people that mean the most to me, and vise versa, know who am talking about. Sometimes God put’s people in your life for a reason and other’s a season. And I can honestly say I’ve learned a lot from these people, even if there stay was short lived, There was something, or a lesson to be learned or gained from it all.
People come into your life to help you grow as an individual and to help you become a better
version of yourself always remember that guys.

Life is a like a lift. On the way up
some people get on and others get off. Some people stay for a while, and others longer, and
some if your lucky enough to have such great friendships and relationships, stay with you
on your whole journey.

You will know the people in your life who you can count on the
when it really matters most, and those who are just passing by or others you could
never trust due to there devious or insincere nature. Am at that age now where I’ve set my
standards high in regard’s to the people I choose to hang around with, and communicate with
on a daily basis and so should you. Nobody knows what the future holds. All I can do is be
the best version of myself that I can possibly be. I cannot control how other people behave, or act, I can only
control how I show up at the end of the day, and choose the people that I want to be in my life.
I’ve learned to let go of things or people that do not serve my best interest, not because I think am bigger or better then them, because am not. But rather for the sake of my own personal growth as a person, and what I stand for.

There is an old saying that goes like this; You are the average of the five people that you consistently
spend your time with. Say no more!

Be Real!

If the foundation of your life is not built on integrity you well fail in almost all areas in your life.
Be true to yourself and who you are, and people well see that you are actually the real deal as opposed
to someone who is just a fake. Guys out there’ woman especially know when a guy is not being real with them, they have an
in built sensor if you will, and they have all politely said “No thanks” am not interested. Because you tried
to manipulate them, you lied, you where not being real. The thing is most people know when you’re not being
real and authentic with them in the long run anyway, so be real guys. Be someone who people can look up to
and can say” he was the real deal”.

So with that being said I hope you have enjoyed this short article, and as am about to turn 31 and have some fun”
stuffing my face with cake, I hope it will be a sponge cake with fresh cream by the way, but we well have to wait
and see. In the mean time guys stay blessed, appreciate life, follow your dreams and goals,

Until next time indealing with relationships and things that really matter most in life take care’ yours truly

Calvin.

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Heartbreak and getting over it!

Probably one of the worst feelings you can experience as a human being is heartbreak. Getting your heart broken, falling in love with someone, getting dumped unexpectedly, or having somebody you thought you where going to have a great future with, basically communicate to you that they do not want to have any kind of future with you at all. And it’s always when you’re licking your wounds that you feel like your worlds going to end. It’s interesting because part of your body that is the emotional Center is the part where your rib cage comes together in that V shape where it ends. That area is the emotional center of your body, and that is where you’re going to experience the really difficult emotional pain from a breakup. The thing you have to understand is when you’re in a relationship with somebody, and you fall in love with them obviously over time you develop a deep emotional connection to them. Or maybe somebody that you met and you really had a great time with them, you felt like they where into you, as much as you where into them, and for whatever reason you fucked up or did not know what you where doing, or the other person just simply was not feeling it, and then you get dumped.

The thing is that you where emotionally attached to that person at that point. And even though you can meet a drop dead gorgeous woman it’s going to take some time because it’s going to be harder to move on and make a date with that new girl just because you feel like shit. Because you simply do not feel the desire, it’s like you want what you had in the past, and as human beings when we don’t let go of a relationship that has ended, or we want reality to be other then it is, or different then it is, we suffer. And that is why a lot of people suffer after a breakup because we still want to be with the people we where once with.

And so we want our reality to be other then it is, which is your no longer together with that person, and your whole identity associates’ with that particular relationship, and now that the relationship is not there anymore, and that person is no longer in your life, and since you associated a big part of your identity with who you are regarding being in that relationship its very painful, because it’s like in a way you feel like you lost part of yourself, you lost part of what is no longer there, or what you used to get a lot of, what was once a source of great emotional comfort and strength for you, is just simply not there anymore. And especially when the relationship has just ended or it’s a few weeks or a few months after that, it’s going to be hard when you’re talking to somebody because your not going to have that deep emotional connection, and in this respect women are able to move on after a breakup a lot quicker then guy’s.

Because they well go and get a therapist, or they well talk it out with their girlfriends. And they know the quickest way to move on after a breakup is simply to go out on dates and hooking up, and sleeping with a few guy’s or whatever, and that is what a lot of woman well do. And simply because most beautiful woman usually have four or five that are the nice “guy friends” that are in the background, that want to date them, and they well hang out on the side lines and wait for her to become single again, and so when she breaks up with her boyfriend she starts calling these guy’s and hanging out with these guy’s and getting all this attention from other men and meeting other new men, and maybe she hooks up with a few of them or meets some random dude while she is out with her girlfriends and hooks up with them, just because it helps to have new experiences with new people when there is a break up there.

That is what makes it a lot easier for them to move on, and in that respect guy’s well tend to lick there wounds a lot longer, and it well take them a lot longer to recover, especially when they find that there ex girlfriend is now out, literally a week after the break up all over some other dude and then one of he’s buddies well say “hey” I saw your girlfriend and she was all over this other guy’ and so they here that, and it just makes them feel like shit, how could she just totally move on when am still hurting. And it’s because they know that its a lot better to have somebody there, “you gotta get back on the horse so to speak” like there old saying goes.

The idea is you have to learn from what happened you gotta learn what led to the break up, you have to take an objective look at it. you need to realize all the mistakes you made and all the warning signs that where there, and all the times she told you that you need to get your shit together, or you need to change that, or you need to change this, and you just kinda ignored it, and just thought to yourself hey she’s with me it’ not a big deal, but it’s not until you have this emotional pain that you realize something needs to change, and that what you where doing obviously is, or was not working, this strategy that you used to approach your relationships simply was not working guy’s.

And where a lot of guy’s go wrong is they make the mistake of not spending anytime objectively looking at what they did wrong in their relationship, and instead they just point the finger at the girl and say its all her fault, because it’s easy to do that, and then claim the girl there with is fucked up’ or she has got problems or she is this, she is that, and they do not want to look at there own behavior because their ego cannot take it.

And the problem is since they did not learn anything new, they do not learn any new relationship skills, pickup skills, or dating skills they just go out and repeat the exact same mistake’s with the next girl, and then she dump’s him for the same exact reason that the previous girl dumped him for. But like I said you have to feel it, to heal it. Guy’s and girl’s out there, sometimes you just have to sit at home and cry and scream, punch your pillow, whatever you got to do, scream in your pillow when nobody is around, cause you have to feel those emotions, you have to feel the hurt, you have to feel that pain.

Because if you experience, that pain authentically it’s the only way you can feel it and heal it, and move through it.

And it’s not something where it’s like flipping a light switch on, it’s something you have to do, especially in the first few weeks after a break up, you have to do it everyday or several time’s a day. Because look at how children experience emotions, when they run around and when they fall and they cut there knee, even though they may not break the skin and it gets all red, there screaming “bloody murder” and then there mum come’s over, or their dad come’s over and kisses there knee, and then 30 seconds later there running over there and dancing around like nothing ever happened. And it’s because they experienced the emotion, they felt it, they healed it, because they where authentically present with the emotion and then they moved right pass it, and so there on to the next moment experiencing the next thing. And so as the weeks and the months go by when you take time to grieve and feel your pain to be authentically present with it, as the day’s and weeks go by it get’s less and less and less, and it get’s to the point where eventually you accept it, and once you’ve accepted it your able to move past it.

Cause there is several stages for grieving, usually the first stage is disbelief or denial. And the second stage after that is normally anger, you get pissed of at the other person, you want to blame the other person for the breakup, you want to blame them for the hurt they caused you. And the third stage is acceptance’ and once you have accepted it, that it is what it is, because at the end of the day you cannot do anything about the past, it’s gone, it’s never coming back, and you cannot do anything about the future because it’s simply not here yet, and so the only thing you can do is be present in the moment, and when your present in the moment you just accept the fact that “hey” I fucked up, I need to learn some new things I need to learn some new skills, so take the time to learn and absorb so you can be stronger and become a better man or woman. And then once you have accepted it, then you get to a place where your open to learning or your open to meeting someone new, and starting something new with them.

Like I said guy’s you have to take time to feel it, to heal it.

Guy’s and girl’s it’s something we all go through. And so I know how it feel’s to love and to lose personally. I made many mistake’s in my relationships in the past, but am a bigger enough man to own up to it. There where many thing’s I should have done, but in the end I got to complacent, didn’t do what I should have been doing and so guy’s your not alone. But I learned from my mistake’s and tried to better myself for me, and for those around me. Am shore many people that read this out there can write what am writing now, so just keep going and do not give up, get your confidence back guy’s, which well come with time.

And then you well start slowly to feel better about yourself, and when you accept what has happened in your past and that it is over, then you get to a place where you feel peaceful, you feel relaxed, and then you have peace about the situation, and then it’s really easy at that point to move on. We have to make mistake’s to learn and grow in life, it’s all apart of life. Every time a relationship ends you have to learn where you went wrong for any guy’s out there, so you can take responsible action to improve your skills, so you don’t repeat the same mistakes in the future. But the problem is most guy’s do not do anything to learn. They just keep going out, and repeat the mistakes over and over again.

The definition of insanity is, doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result. Remember that!

And with that being said I hope you have enjoyed this article. Stay tuned for more articles coming soon. Until next time yours truly Calvin.

Appreciate those for who they really are!

Everyone comes into your life for a reason. You have a gift for them, and they have a gift for you. However,

people are not sent into your life for you to change or mold them into what you think they should be, but to be loved and appreciated for who they really are.

It’s a reasonable request to ask others to treat you a certain way, and then give them the freedom to treat you the way you want, but it’s an unreasonable request to expect them to change their nature or who they are so you don’t feel insecure about yourself, or so you can feel validated.

Everyone resents having their freedom restricted, being told what they can and can’t be, people trying to place limits on their potential and being expected to become something they are not and have no desire to become.

Instead of trying to change others into the perfect person you want, instead focus on becoming the type of person you want to attract,

and do not settle or stop searching until you find someone who already is exactly what you are looking for.”

Relationship types!

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes.

Some people are simply free spirits and not meant to be tied down to any one particular person.

Others can be great fun and great lovers, but since they place no value on loyalty or commitment and tend to be a little selfish and narcissistic, they will never be faithful and exclusive with anyone, even though they may say that’s what they want.

People with a history of cheating, tend to always be that way. You should listen very carefully when new lovers tell you about their past relationships, and how they behaved in them, to determine how they will treat you.

The most common types of heterosexual relationships are open relationships, friends with benefits, sex playmates, monogamous exclusive relationships and marriage. Once you decide what kind of relationship you want to have, and in order to prevent unnecessary suffering, you should only date people who share the same relationship goals and values.” .

Everthing happens for a Reason!

“Every person that comes into your life is there for a reason.

There are no accidents. Our relationships and interactions with other people serve a purpose. That purpose is to help each other grow, become more and help us reach our full potential. However, not everyone is going to stay in your life forever.

People who are meant to be in your life will make the effort to stick around. People who are just passing through often will be gone just as quickly as they came. Therefore, do not become attached to people, but instead simply focus on being grateful for your shared experiences, no matter how long or how short they may be.

Sometimes it might be many months or even years before you are able to look back and understand the gift that they were, the wisdom they gave you, the purpose and reason why they came into your life and why they did or did not stick around.

What makes us happy?

You are responsible for your own happiness in life no one else.

What makes us happy in life?  If you asked me that question when I was a teenager, I probably would have said, playing video games’ party’s, clubbing, girls, having fun’ money’ New clothes and shoes’ the list goes on. Ok I must admit I still like to play the occasional game and have fun when I can. However most of that stuff I mentioned above gets boring after a while and the novelty wears off.

The older I have got in life, the more I have realized that to be true. Yes you need money to survive in life’ and its nice if you can share special moments with that someone, but for the most part especially when it comes to materialistic stuff, is only a temporary happy state at best. But what really makes us happy in life is the ultimate question were asking here. well friends that answer is clearer to me now more then ever before. Giving”.  A real man gives.

A real man goes into something or a situation and doesn’t say how can I get the sweeter end of the deal here, how can I cheat these people and end with the most. what’s in it for me. No, a real man looks around and says what can I do to help, Someone who is of service to others. He see’s he’s friend and Doesn’t say “hey can you do me a favor” but he sees he’s friend and says” how are you? What are you having trouble with’ what can I do to help you. That is what a real man does. That is the way he goes to work’ That’s the way he treats he’s family’ That’s how he treats he’s friends’ That’s how he conducts himself in all areas in he’s life.

We live in a society today where everyone wants to take,  take,  take,  get,  get,  get. How much can I take. Greed is over riding our Corporations’ over riding people. Everyone wants things for free, let’s see how I can get this for free’ let’s see how I can cheat people. The mentality, if you think you can cheat the world out of giving you more then you’re giving it back, your gonna end up broke, your gonna end up poor’ you gonna end up miserable. The way to happiness’ the way to abundance’ the way to get wealthy’ the way to be successful with woman’ the way to be a success in life is to be a giver.

Often but not all the time when a man meets a woman he wants to take something from her, deprive her of something, to use her in one form or another for he’s own needs and cares in life. Well to them I say’ a woman is like a flower. When a flower Doesn’t get any light from the sun, what happens to the flower it dies. When you give light to others’ to a woman’ she or they’ well blossom of you. Many guys fail to realize this out there, because they want to take’ but do not want to give back. I have been guilty of this numerous times in the past

But here’s the thing when you keep taking and taking and never give’ you do not give the world any value’ and guess what, when you do not give the world value’ it will not give you value back.

There is something about giving that makes us happy in life, that gives your life purpose and meaning. We all have something to give in this world’ our own unique gifts’ and talents to share with others. Just look at the late Michael Jackson how many people he made happy with he’s special talent. How many album’s he sold says it all. Rick Rescorla never heard of him right? Well if it where not for him giving he’s life to save others” It’s thought that he’s help lead to at least 1000 people evacuating the World Trade Center Tower 1′ safely that day. If it was not for he’s actions if not already bad enough, the death toll from the twin towers on 9/11 would have been even more catastrophic. He gave his very own life so that others might live that day. But for me there is one that stands out from the crowd, One who gave he’s life for the whole world’ the most amazing giver of all time was Jesus. No one else in the whole of the universe and history gave more then God. He sent hes only begotten son, John chapter 3:16 proves just how much he gave to the whole world. If only we as humans could learn something from that verse’ we would not sadly be where we are today.

At times in the past, I have often caught myself thinking about my own selfish needs ahead of others’ which has often caused heart ache’ and grief towards other’s at one point or another in my life. I have also seen at first hand what can happen when we choose to ignore other people’s feelings and thoughts ahead of our own selfish needs and desires in life. If I could change back the hands of time, would I have done certain things differently’ most definitely. Where their opportunities in my life where I could have given more to others, my partner, daughter, even myself” absolutely. So don’t make the same mistakes i did.

There comes a time in life when you have to say to yourself’ look, where am I going as an individual and what sort of legacy do I want to leave behind. Do I want to leave a trail of misery and unhappy people on my path, and if not, what can I do to better not only myself but those around me. How can I Give to others in need of a helping hand. Time is one of the most important things you can give someone. I have been guilty countless times of not giving enough time and attention’ to certain people in my life. most regrettably my daughter’ while growing up there where many times when I could have been there for her more, Played with her more, took her to the park more, helped her with her homework more, but instead at times I chose to pursue my own selfish needs and wants at the time. I realize that now more then ever. Time is precious, something we can never get back’ as it only goes in one direction, so use it wisely. Let me tell you something’ 

When you give or offer a valuable service to someone not only does it make that person feel happy’ but it leaves you with a feeling of a happiness and joy that you well never find any where else in this life, or the life to come.

So can we give more as humans beings to others around us’ on a daily basis’ am guessing you know the answer for that question already.

I repeat Giving to others is the key to happiness and success in life. So if you want to do something different for a change’ If you want to be successful in life then give ten times what you want to get back. And when you do that, you well never be at lack in any area of your life.
There is a law of indirect return’ that means for example guys out there, if you want to have a beautiful girlfriend’ it doesn’t always mean that if you go to talk to that girl over there’ automatically your gonna be reciprocated and your gonna get that girl. The law of indirect return means if you put in the hard work’ if you go and talk to ten different beautiful woman on the 10th one’ your guaranteed to get a girlfriend. You gave ten different girls your love and attention first’ and in return you well get what you want. Hard work always gets rewarded in life.

So look around you, cause there is somebody out there crying for your help in one form or another right now.
It would seem that the more we give to others, the poorer we become, but just the opposite is true. Service to others brings meaning and fulfillment in our lives in a way that wealth, power, possessions and self-centered pursuits can never match.

Conclusion Each of us has something to give. Some have wealth, some have talents, some have time. Whatever gifts we have been given large or small we should share generously. When we do we make the world better for someone else and find true meaning and satisfaction in our own lives.

one song comes to mind ‘Heal the world’ let’s make it a better place. ‘Michael Jackson’ we’ll that my friend starts with the Man in the Mirror.

I hope you enjoyed this article about happiness, make sure you stay tuned for more.

Untill next time Godbless.

Calvin

Are you good enough?

Hi guys, this is Calvin and today’s topic is called are you good enough? So lets dive straight in.

Life is such a precious and wonderful gift! I often find myself thinking what would my life have been like if things did not turn out the way they did’ where would I be now, what would I be doing in life, would it be different’ would my life be any better 5 4 3 2 and…….

It’s easy to sit and think what if? What if this happened differently, why me, if only, how can this happen to me, I should have done things differently.
But let’s face it, that sort of thinking will not get us anywhere in life. Everything’s has panned out the way it did, And so we have to deal with the hand that we where dealt and make the most of it. And yes environmental factors can play a role in the way we are raised which can make it harder for us to achieve our goals and accomplish the things we want in life, but for the most part if we really want something, if we put our best foot forward we can achieve and be where we want in life.

It’s important to remind ourselves’ that some of the most successful people in life started at the bottom with nothing. For some no clothes, no shoes barley getting by each day with what they had, but somehow through all there hardships, struggles and obstacles in life’ they found a way to turn a dark day into a light one. I have often at times sat down and felt sorry for myself about the way things have turned out in my life, but I soon realized feeling sorry for myself would not pay the bills, neither would it get me back on the right track.

There is always someone worse of then yourself.

Remember that guys. Mine or your darkest day could very well be someone else’s brightest day.

So let us not take life for granted’ and try to have a positive outlook about the future. We all have dreams, goals and aspirations in life, but how can we turn those dreams and goals into reality.

We can start by never giving up. Because the moment you think to yourself dam” I cannot do this’ or am not good enough, and so am just going to give up, the moment you think like that you have already failed my friend.

Never give yourself the option of giving up’ or standing down. Look your goal straight on’ and head towards it like a roaring lion with the end or target in sight. What does a lion do when it’s about to catch it’s pray? it locks onto the target, it knows what it wants’ it’s made it’s mind up and then it goes in for the kill.

Now sometimes it might not get what it wants, but that doesn’t stop the lion it keeps going untill finally it gets what it wants’ and gets its meal. Because it doesn’t give itself the option to fail, otherwise it would starve and die. The countless number of times I have said to myself I can’t do it’ I will never make it, the self doubt I had about my own dreams, and goals is time unfortunately I well never get back. Time goes in one direction guy’s so do not look back.

Do not make the same mistakes I did. If you have a goal in life, or a dream lock on to it and head straight’ not backwards, not around, not sideways but straight ahead like that roaring lion.

Well they be obstacles and people telling you that you cannot make it on the way Absolutely. When you are in your car, is there traffic lights’ traffic jams, Sometimes even accidents on the way to your destination or things slowing you down Yes, But you persist and you be patient, you keep your cool and what normally happens is, eventually you make it to your destination.

There well always be people telling you what you can and cannot do in life. Especially those who want to see you fail at something.

But if everybody listened to someone who told you that you would never make it, that you where not good enough, that you might as well give up, and if you stopped to take their advice. “Listen let me tell you something”

“Walt Disney was fired at some point, and  he was told he lacked imagination, “yes imagination of all things”.

It’s funny that because from what I remember growing up as a kid and watching many Disney films, inspiration and imagination, where at the heart of many classic Disney films kids still watch today. I can’t imagine my childhood without some of the most memorable cartoons like Pinocchio, Dumbo, Peter Pan the Jungle book, Aladdin’ the list goes on. If Walt Disney would have listened to someone who said he lacked imagination’ then what a great shame that would have been for millions of kids around the world. But thankfully he did not give up. He kept on going until he got it right.

The list goes on’ from the Beatles, to Stephen king, to Oprah Winfrey the richest woman in the world today. They where all told at some point in there early careers that they where not good enough and then dropped by there record, and publishing labels respectively. But one thing they all had in common despite what others might have said, was they never gave up. They didn’t stop because someone told them that they where not good enough. So guys I ask you this simple question, are you good enough?

Keep at it, if at first you fail get right back up and try again.

One thing I have realized the most about myself looking back through the years’ is that I have been my worst own enemy, no one else it was me.

But there comes a time in life when you have to ask yourself what am I doing? Where am I going? And although I cannot change the past’ I can dam well try to make a better tomorrow. But it starts with me, It starts with you. So for people out there reading this, don’t give up’ because am telling you’ that you can be that doctor’ you can be that lawyer’ or musician’ artist’ or whatever it is you want to achieve in life, You can succeed at it. But just don’t give yourself the option of failure, do not give up guy’s.
I wish I would have told myself this year’s ago, but am telling you this now. Do not make the same mistakes I did guys, push on, follow your ambitions’ goals and dreams in life, “because let me tell you something” no one else is going to make it happen for you’ it has to come from you, and you only.

And so as we are reaching the peak of our life’s I want you guys to sit down and tell yourself, that no matter what comes your way, that you are going to face it’ head on and keep strong, but most of all you are not going to give up. Because you never know when success really does lie around the corner. Life is short guys so make every minute count.

I hope this short article has helped you realize’ that you can achieve your goals’ and dreams in life’ if you put your mind to it, but above all else’ do not make yourself your worst own enemy, you already have enough people out there telling you you cannot make it and that you well never achieve your goals and dreams, so do not add yourself to that list of people. Guy’s I wish you all the best with your careers.

Until next time in dealing with Relationships’ Friendships’ and things that really matter in life.

Take care and Godless.
Calvin