Probably one of the worst feelings you can experience as a human being is heartbreak. Getting your heart broken, falling in love with someone, getting dumped unexpectedly, or having somebody you thought you where going to have a great future with, basically communicate to you that they do not want to have any kind of future with you at all. And it’s always when you’re licking your wounds that you feel like your worlds going to end. It’s interesting because part of your body that is the emotional Center is the part where your rib cage comes together in that V shape where it ends. That area is the emotional center of your body, and that is where you’re going to experience the really difficult emotional pain from a breakup. The thing you have to understand is when you’re in a relationship with somebody, and you fall in love with them obviously over time you develop a deep emotional connection to them. Or maybe somebody that you met and you really had a great time with them, you felt like they where into you, as much as you where into them, and for whatever reason you fucked up or did not know what you where doing, or the other person just simply was not feeling it, and then you get dumped.
The thing is that you where emotionally attached to that person at that point. And even though you can meet a drop dead gorgeous woman it’s going to take some time because it’s going to be harder to move on and make a date with that new girl just because you feel like shit. Because you simply do not feel the desire, it’s like you want what you had in the past, and as human beings when we don’t let go of a relationship that has ended, or we want reality to be other then it is, or different then it is, we suffer. And that is why a lot of people suffer after a breakup because we still want to be with the people we where once with.
And so we want our reality to be other then it is, which is your no longer together with that person, and your whole identity associates’ with that particular relationship, and now that the relationship is not there anymore, and that person is no longer in your life, and since you associated a big part of your identity with who you are regarding being in that relationship its very painful, because it’s like in a way you feel like you lost part of yourself, you lost part of what is no longer there, or what you used to get a lot of, what was once a source of great emotional comfort and strength for you, is just simply not there anymore. And especially when the relationship has just ended or it’s a few weeks or a few months after that, it’s going to be hard when you’re talking to somebody because your not going to have that deep emotional connection, and in this respect women are able to move on after a breakup a lot quicker then guy’s.
Because they well go and get a therapist, or they well talk it out with their girlfriends. And they know the quickest way to move on after a breakup is simply to go out on dates and hooking up, and sleeping with a few guy’s or whatever, and that is what a lot of woman well do. And simply because most beautiful woman usually have four or five that are the nice “guy friends” that are in the background, that want to date them, and they well hang out on the side lines and wait for her to become single again, and so when she breaks up with her boyfriend she starts calling these guy’s and hanging out with these guy’s and getting all this attention from other men and meeting other new men, and maybe she hooks up with a few of them or meets some random dude while she is out with her girlfriends and hooks up with them, just because it helps to have new experiences with new people when there is a break up there.
That is what makes it a lot easier for them to move on, and in that respect guy’s well tend to lick there wounds a lot longer, and it well take them a lot longer to recover, especially when they find that there ex girlfriend is now out, literally a week after the break up all over some other dude and then one of he’s buddies well say “hey” I saw your girlfriend and she was all over this other guy’ and so they here that, and it just makes them feel like shit, how could she just totally move on when am still hurting. And it’s because they know that its a lot better to have somebody there, “you gotta get back on the horse so to speak” like there old saying goes.
The idea is you have to learn from what happened you gotta learn what led to the break up, you have to take an objective look at it. you need to realize all the mistakes you made and all the warning signs that where there, and all the times she told you that you need to get your shit together, or you need to change that, or you need to change this, and you just kinda ignored it, and just thought to yourself hey she’s with me it’ not a big deal, but it’s not until you have this emotional pain that you realize something needs to change, and that what you where doing obviously is, or was not working, this strategy that you used to approach your relationships simply was not working guy’s.
And where a lot of guy’s go wrong is they make the mistake of not spending anytime objectively looking at what they did wrong in their relationship, and instead they just point the finger at the girl and say its all her fault, because it’s easy to do that, and then claim the girl there with is fucked up’ or she has got problems or she is this, she is that, and they do not want to look at there own behavior because their ego cannot take it.
And the problem is since they did not learn anything new, they do not learn any new relationship skills, pickup skills, or dating skills they just go out and repeat the exact same mistake’s with the next girl, and then she dump’s him for the same exact reason that the previous girl dumped him for. But like I said you have to feel it, to heal it. Guy’s and girl’s out there, sometimes you just have to sit at home and cry and scream, punch your pillow, whatever you got to do, scream in your pillow when nobody is around, cause you have to feel those emotions, you have to feel the hurt, you have to feel that pain.
Because if you experience, that pain authentically it’s the only way you can feel it and heal it, and move through it.
And it’s not something where it’s like flipping a light switch on, it’s something you have to do, especially in the first few weeks after a break up, you have to do it everyday or several time’s a day. Because look at how children experience emotions, when they run around and when they fall and they cut there knee, even though they may not break the skin and it gets all red, there screaming “bloody murder” and then there mum come’s over, or their dad come’s over and kisses there knee, and then 30 seconds later there running over there and dancing around like nothing ever happened. And it’s because they experienced the emotion, they felt it, they healed it, because they where authentically present with the emotion and then they moved right pass it, and so there on to the next moment experiencing the next thing. And so as the weeks and the months go by when you take time to grieve and feel your pain to be authentically present with it, as the day’s and weeks go by it get’s less and less and less, and it get’s to the point where eventually you accept it, and once you’ve accepted it your able to move past it.
Cause there is several stages for grieving, usually the first stage is disbelief or denial. And the second stage after that is normally anger, you get pissed of at the other person, you want to blame the other person for the breakup, you want to blame them for the hurt they caused you. And the third stage is acceptance’ and once you have accepted it, that it is what it is, because at the end of the day you cannot do anything about the past, it’s gone, it’s never coming back, and you cannot do anything about the future because it’s simply not here yet, and so the only thing you can do is be present in the moment, and when your present in the moment you just accept the fact that “hey” I fucked up, I need to learn some new things I need to learn some new skills, so take the time to learn and absorb so you can be stronger and become a better man or woman. And then once you have accepted it, then you get to a place where your open to learning or your open to meeting someone new, and starting something new with them.
Like I said guy’s you have to take time to feel it, to heal it.
Guy’s and girl’s it’s something we all go through. And so I know how it feel’s to love and to lose personally. I made many mistake’s in my relationships in the past, but am a bigger enough man to own up to it. There where many thing’s I should have done, but in the end I got to complacent, didn’t do what I should have been doing and so guy’s your not alone. But I learned from my mistake’s and tried to better myself for me, and for those around me. Am shore many people that read this out there can write what am writing now, so just keep going and do not give up, get your confidence back guy’s, which well come with time.
And then you well start slowly to feel better about yourself, and when you accept what has happened in your past and that it is over, then you get to a place where you feel peaceful, you feel relaxed, and then you have peace about the situation, and then it’s really easy at that point to move on. We have to make mistake’s to learn and grow in life, it’s all apart of life. Every time a relationship ends you have to learn where you went wrong for any guy’s out there, so you can take responsible action to improve your skills, so you don’t repeat the same mistakes in the future. But the problem is most guy’s do not do anything to learn. They just keep going out, and repeat the mistakes over and over again.
The definition of insanity is, doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result. Remember that!
And with that being said I hope you have enjoyed this article. Stay tuned for more articles coming soon. Until next time yours truly Calvin.